Part I
Within the confines of a pine-furnished office, in the Arathi Basin Mental Institute for the Sorcerously Insane two individuals sit facing one another. The first, a doctor in a white coat, spectacles balancing from his nose. The second, one blonde haired, young woman in a straightjacket.

Doctor Mendy - So Fayan, how do you feel today?

Fayan - Patronised! Totally and utterly mocked by this unforgivable treatment of perhaps the greatest healer in all of Azeroth.

Doctor Mendy - Fayan... we've been over this. You're not the greatest healer in all of Azeroth. You're not even in the top ten for the alliance. You let people die because of personal grudges, feelings of inadequacy, or because you minimise your window to reconfigure your MP3 playlist.

Fayan - Don't we all?

Doctor Mendy - No. This is a roleplay server and nobody knows what an MP3 is.

Fayan - But you just sai-

Doctor Mendy - SILENCE! Ahem... anyway, you were moved here for your benefit. You've been under a lot of stress lately, have you not?

Fayan - Don't pressurise me with these questions!

Doctor Mendy - Denial.

Fayan - Lies.

Doctor Mendy - Egotism.

Fayan - Coming from someone as inferior as yourself, that's hardly a suprising conclusion to cling to, as you fight to contain the great, brilliant Fayan Etude Blanc-

Doctor Mendy - Bouts of anger.

Fayan - Interupt me again and I swear I'm gonna kick the-

Doctor Mendy - Look Fayan. We want to help you. Your guild wants to help you. After you exploded into that bout of teenage rage they had no choice but to transfer your furious personality into our care.

Fayan - They sent me here to escape me! They couldn't handle the truth that a woman of my intellect and beauty had risen to threaten their own personal achievements.

Doctor Mendy - They sent you that epic teddy bear with +300 to pleasantness...

Fayan - Pffft.

Doctor Mendy - A dozen get well cards.

Fayan - Nyah.

Doctor Mendy - A Benediction staff.

Fayan - REALLY?!!!

Doctor Mendy - No, that was a lie.

Mendy scribbled down on his pad the brief note 'Responds positively to material gain, compliments, and lethal doses of anti-depressants' before turning back to the patient, frowning at her un-regal treatment.

Doctor Mendy - Anyway, you're due for release.

Fayan - Then you admit I'm not insane?

Doctor Mendy - No, but the guild can no longer afford your medical treatment here, and if we fail to cure you we would be required to refund them and go bankrupt. So by that token of good fortune we're releasing you.

Fayan - *Chuckles* Oh doctor, you're such a kidder.

Doctor Mendy - Heheheh... yes, yes I am *sigh*

Two days later, back at guild headquarters, Fayan awakens in her bed, finding an arm draped around her torso.

Fayan - Stoden... is that you?

Stoden - Mmmm? Go back to bed dear.

Fayan - Mmm, okay....... Wait a minute! What the hell are you doing in my bed?!

Stoden - We're married remember?

Fayan - I never married you, you.... pervert. Remove yourself at once from my crib of slumber, lest my holy capabilities unleash, demolishing your puny body until nothing but ash and regret remain.

Kinx - Rise and shine love-birds. We've got a lot to do today!

Fayan - Mr. Kinx, with the most humble respect I... wait a moment, what are you doing in my bed?!

Kinx - I'm a gnome, it's not like I'm taking up much space.

Fayan - THAT'S NOT THE BLOODY POINT!

At the breakfast table, the guild listens to their briefing.

Kinx - Here's the plan. Molten Core, Blackwing Lair, Zul Gurub, Onixya, Blackwing Lair, Molten Core. The idea is to give you all travel sickness to cut down on guild overcrowding. Any questions?

Morghus - Can I be excused because I recently logged onto Argent Dawn as a member of HFC, and I still need to wait for the server to reset with them.

Kinx - That's fine. Anybody else?

Fayan - I'm pregnant.

Kinx - No excuse Fayan as you don't know where babies come from. Anyone else?

Outrider - JUDAS!!!!!

Kinx - O.o

Meanwhile, in Stormwind's Pig and Whistle Tavern.

Shifte - Right you two, you're banned from entering the pub.

Christoph Faral - But why?

Shifte - All you do is brag about made up war stories. You interupt peoples RP and you've yet to come up with new lines in twelve months. You're out of here.

Aedis Brom - True, but it does remind me of the time you were backstabbed by that orc rogue.

Christoph Faral - Yes, he came from behind, then inserted his weapon into my body, leaving me sore and tender as the poison dripped from the tip. I was stunned as he proceeded to vanish, not even leaving a telephone number.

Watching from the corner of the room, two Warlocks try to pay as little attention as possible to that encounter...

Jark - I'm dubious on Fayan returning.

Lunarisa - Why's that?

Jark - I made a nasty RP post about her. Now she'll probably use this very thread to extract female revenge.

Lunarisa - I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Jark - Why's that?

Lunarisa - Well, ever heard the legend of THE LOST LIBRAAAAAAAM!!

Jark - No... and stop going spooky at the end of your sentences before I slap you.

Lunarisa - Well nobody can really prove it, but legend has it that Fayan was the first person to ever kill Kazzak, and as he died the Libram of Stupidty dropped... right onto her skull. Whatever intellect rating that person would have becomes inverted.

Jark - So you're saying she's only intelligent when negative buffs are applied?

Lunarisa - Haven't you seen her in Alterac Valley? Holy Priestess, my ass. She's half shaman when it comes to combat.

Jark - That explains why I half-can't stand her.

Lunarisa - She's already forgot your insult. In a way it's kind of FREEEEEAAAAKY!

Jark - /slap

Now back to the plot in Blackwing Lair...

Nefarian - She is here!

R.D.K (random dragonkin) - Fayan Etude Blancmanche the Third? What makes you think so?

Nefarian - A tremor in the server. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.

R.D.K - Surely she must be dead by now.

Nefarian - Do not underestimate the priestess.

R.D.K - Sire, with respect, she's a sub-par holy priestess; what do you have to fear?

Nefarian - If I strike her down, her RP skills will become more powerful than I can possibly imagine.

R.D.K - What do you advise?

Nefarian - I will convert her to the Dragonside.

R.D.K - Yes. Yes. She would be a great asset. Can it be done?

Nefarian - She will join us or die.

 Part II
On the way to Blackrock Mountain.

Baka - Can I get a summon?

Leinhart - No.

Baka - Pleeeeeaaaase?

Lunarisa - No.

Baka - Oh come on!

Jark - We've all just landed at Thorium Point. How can we summon you?

Baka - You could ride on ahead and then summon me.

Draznar - We could also stick a voidwalker up your-

Kinx - Okay, enough yapping. Are we all ready to move out?

Darl - I think so. Nobody missing as I can tell.

Meanwhile, in Arathi Basin...

Cornelium - No way, Faye.

Faye-Anne Valentine - Oh come on. It'll boost your ratings, add sex appeal, and help me bring in a further target audience.

Cornelium - But I'm not black.

Faye-Anne Valentine - You have a rapper's name.

Cornelium - Fine, I'll do it. Just promise me a place in the raid after I say your stupid joke.

Cornelium rides past the horde-occupied blacksmith, not bothering to dismount as he fires a full magazine of 7.62mm Arcane Missiles into four rival players.

Cornelium - Watch yo'self foo' *pewpewpew* 2.2pac in the hood.

Back to Thorium Point.

Sirque - Right, I want this operation smooth and by the numbers, people. Get repairs done prior to entering BWL, so we're not caught off guard.

Fayan - Erm... Sir Sirque, I beg to raise a question, but where am I to get my robes repaired?

Sirque - The blacksmith over there *points*

Fayan - But... these are robes.

Sirque - And?

Fayan - He's a blacksmith.

Sirque - And?

Fayan - I'm a tailor, a bloody good one actually. The greatest in all of Azeroth.

Sirque - I've never heard of any of your works. Any you care to mention?

8 months earlier in Duskwood.

Abercrombe - So you're sure this stitching will hold together?

Fayan - Yes, fine for silks, mageweaves, and human flesh.

Abercrombe - Finally, my Stitches will be complete, and Darkshire will be destroyed.

Fayan - That's the spirit. Annihilate the fashion market of that rustic town with your sewing prowess.

Abercrombe - No Fayan... I erm... intend to kill everyone in it.

Fayan - Absolutely. Kill their poor taste in clothes and sell them my merchandise. Did I mention I personally tailor for Lady Sylvannas?

Abercrombe - I'm not getting through to you, am I?

Fayan - Did you know my mount can talk?

Back to Thorium Point, AGAIN...

Fayan - Erm... now that you mention it... I don't think I've ever sewn any famous designer labels, no.

Sirque - Mount up, people. We're moving. Stay together now!

The raid quickly assembles, marching down the slope and across the Searing Gorge, toward the looming tower of Blackrock Mountain.

Trallo - Duggur, you have man-boobs.

Duggur - This is muscle you big eared homo.

Trallo - You're the homo, homo.

Duggur - Ho mo you don't. You can't deny being a homo.

Narai - Look out you pair of... nevermind.

As per usual, Trallo and Duggur's lack of attention cost them dearly, as they rode down that small service pit leading deep into the cauldron. Two dark iron dwarves approach the pair.

Duggur - I think I broke my legs.

Trallo - And I too for some highly implausable reason cannot move as we lay here, horribly vulnerable.

Dark Iron Slaver Maynard - Well well well, what do we have here? We're going to have ourselves a little party. Zed, wake up the gimp.

Dark Iron Slaver Zed - But the gimp's sleeping.

Dark Iron Slaver Maynard - Well I guess you're going to have to wake him up then.

Trallo - Thank god, for a moment there I thought something distasteful was going to happen.

Duggur - Do we get loot points for this?

Narai - *looking down the pit* What a pair of homos.

Inside Blackwing Lair.

Kinx - Right, as punishment for you all failing so miserably last time, you have to wear the new pink-octopus tabard. Failure to do so will result in loss of loot points, being kicked from the guild, me tracking you to your house, stabbing you, then eating you in front of your parents. Any questions?

Labeth - What if we were abopted?

Kinx - You don't have to wear the tabard.

Fayan - Woohoo, all those years of you people calling me a b**tard have finally paid off.

Kinx - Lock and load people, we're going in.

 Part III
Still inside Blackwing Lair...

Fayan - You know, Mercuros, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. Something that doesn't come easy for me.

Mercuros - Me too, Fayan. Me too. You see, I want to tell you-

Fayan - No me first, I think it's best I finally get this off my chest. I've been thinking a lot lately, about you and I and our "friendship". I may have been openly harsh, but I feel there is something we share, a common binding that links our souls on the highway of destiny. We are twin stars shining in the brightness of the cosmos like no other. Mercuros, I think I-

Mercuros - I'm leaving for HFC.

Fayan - love you-you-YOU'RE WHAT?!

Mercuros - Yeah, I mean it would never work out for us. You being a bossy, callous, cold, over-bearing, egocentric bitch, and me a demonic summoning psychopath. Besides, I looked at your birth certificate. Why didn't you tell me you were a woman?

Fayan - What the hell? Of course I'm a woman.

Mercuros - You punch like a man, have a boyish haircut, flat chest, don't shave your legs, and beat Arantir at an arm wrestle.

Fayan - You're telling me you're gay?

Mercuros - No, but as a warlock I frequently enter the Dark Portal.

Fayan - Oooookay...

Mercuros - Ah well, see you later darling.

Fayan - At least I still have you, right Lunarisa?

Lunarisa - Forget it. I'm gone. Where in my contract does it say I have to summon people? I mean read this contract, Fayan. Soul farming? A ridiculous concept. Clearly people should be inviting me to BWL for my excellent ability to do 800 damage shadowbolt crits.

Fayan - Actually it states it right there in big bold red lettering, underlined, and under the section that says, "most important of all, summon lazy ass mofo's". In fact that's the only thing written on the entire sheet of paper.

Lunarisa - Felhunter, demon of porcupine-features, I summon you from the depths below. Answer my pleas and appear before me in your badly designed form so that I might guess where the hell your eyes are supposed to be...

Fayan - The terms of summoning people are even drawn out in all the eight major languages, including the races that cannot have warlocks, like trollish, and tauren.

Lunarisa - Felhunter! Silence Fayan!

Fayan - /point lunarisa /rude lunarisa /farewell lunarisa.

Mercuros - Come on Lunarisa, we warlocks are going to a better place*.

(*this better place was later revealed to be Ohio. The author has no idea why.)

Fayan - Arcanisa, you too?

Arcanisa - Yes Fayan. I too must go.

Fayan - Why? And what about that 300 gold you owe me?

Arcanisa - Erm...er...ah... *ponder*.... hmmm... errr..... /shadowmeld.

Fayan - Arcanisa, you're not a night elf and you cannot shadowmeld.

Arcanisa - Fayan, you're an RPer, so just pretend you can't see me.

Fayan - Okay *pretends*........ God damnit she does that every time!

Kinx - Guys, bad news. BWL is cancelled tonight.

Inudian, Limin, Darl, Maximilian & co. - Awwww, why?

Kinx - Not enough members.

Elfira - But there's 64 members online.

Kinx - Yeah, but Fayan can't be bothered to write them all in so we need to think of something else that can be done with a budget cast.

Alance - Cyber?

Fayan - FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!