"mhmhmhmhmh.... so it seems the people of Stormwind need my help once more, eh? Of course with my immediate incarceration on falsified charges of heretical practicies it's only perfectly natural for one of my most feared enemies to attack Stormwind. He now knows that without a powerful healer... THEE most powerful healer in all of Azeroth, his ability to gain life from the souls of the slain is unstoppable."

"You must release me before all is lost!"

Fayan thanks The Flaming Ruby for freeing her from the mental correction institute and swiftly makes her way to her secret priestess cache located at the heart of Molten Core, using her gnomish cellphone en route.

Fayan - Ragnaros, I need my stuff back... no, you can still keep the lawn mower, the lawns of Northshire Abbey aren't that bad. Yeah... uhu... you need me to baptize your son? Let me work on my fire resistance first... thanks... got to go.... no really, I have... REALLY? He did? Never... oh, wait, I'm entering a tunnel, sorry.

Three hours later, Fayan staggers from the entrance of Molten Core covered in burns, hair singed, skin black with soot, sweating heavily from a burning heat. In her hands is a totally intact chest... super lucky!

Fayan - Well that's the last time I eat Majordomo's Chilli Surprise. Cooking lvl 300 my foot, that stuff's fire elemental and nothing else. Now there's one final act before I go to face my adversary...

After five different montages, a bath, shower, rest, nine falls down the same slope, and frostbite, the beautiful, intelligent, powerful, yet convincingly realistic and proportioned priestess stumbled to a peak on Ironforge Mountain. Unslinging her backpack, she drops to her knees at an ancient grave, as a mysterious ghostly dwarf suddenly appears.

Fayan - Father... today is the day I will avenge you...
Ghost - Am not your father, lassie, now for the last time, sod off!
Fayan - Please, father, now is not the time to joke.
Ghost - Yer havin' the joke, ya mad priest. Am a dwarf, yer a human.
Fayan - Nonsense, it balances out with the fact my mother's side had tall genes.
Ghost - And look at the headstone! You look eighteen, or nineteen at best, and I died eighty four years ago ye stupid bint.
Fayan - Look, do you want me to avenge you or not, you horrid parent?
Ghost - Aye, please do.
Fayan - Today, I, Fayan Etude Blancmanche the Third will defeat your attacker, Lord Kazzak!
Ghost - Who?
Fayan - LORD KAZZAK!
Ghost - Don't yell, you'll wake the dead. I heard ye... just never heard of him.
Fayan - Big demon, about yay high *raises her arms as high as they'll go*
Ghost - Nope... I died in an avalanche.
Fayan - Do not jest, dad!
Ghost - Fine, fine, fine. You go kill im me little princess, an when ya do, don't come back, cause I'll be finally restin.
Fayan - Yes dad, I love you!
Ghost - Er....................... (10 minutes later) an....I....love......ye... ya little mad cow.

Fayan skis down the slope and a spirit healer suddenly appears.

S.H - What was all that about?
Ghost - Trust me to have the bloody surname 'Blancmanche'.

Taking a final detour to the hidden tomb of the un-named knight at the far east of Duskwood, Fayan stands in the piercing beams of sunlight cutting through the canopy.

Fayan - Truefaith Vestments... check! Hide of the Wild... check! Staff from killing Baron Rivendare... check! Devout set items one-to-seven... check! Pointless trinkets... check!

Crossing her face with camo-paint, tying a red bandana around her head, kissing her dog-tags good luck, and saying a prayer of the light, Fayan turned to Christian Bale standing in his Batman outfit.

Fayan - Ready, Christian?
C.B - Whatever you say, it's your fantasy.

As the hapless heroine charged toward her destiny, a mysterious spectral paladin materialized in the glade, glowing a shiny white, his stature pushing back the shadows and cobwebs.

Ghost No.2 – Honey, was that you?

Exploding through Stormwind on her black steed, Matthias, Fayan sees the devastation around her.

Fayan - This is worse than that time I dropped that oil lamp in Stratholme, Matthias.
Matthias - Well, if you'd have chosen to dangle that carrot in my face instead of adopting the bell of the Barovs to call those bloody servants to make you tea...
Fayan - Servants or not, they're still an important part of Team Fayan.
Matthias - They killed themselves ten seconds after meeting you, priestess. They chose Team Seppiku.
Fayan - So?

Suddenly, Matthias willingly steers under a low bridge, dismounting his mistress, before escaping to have his own set of adventures far more befitting a talking horse. Opening her eyes slowly, realising she lay on the cobbles of Stormwind's streets, Fayan sees Lord Kazzak appear above her.

Kazzak - Hello, tasty mortal.
Fayan - *grinning* I am no ordinary foe, Kazzak... you killed my father!
Kazzak - Really? There's a shocking plot twist.
Fayan - I am the great Fayan Etude Blancmanche the Third of Stromgarde! Daughter of a paladin hero and a simply lady baker! He put a bun in her oven and formed the incarnation of Light you shall fear, for I am the greatest healer in all of Azeroth!!!
Kazzak - I know you are.
Fayan - REALLY?!
Kazzak - Yes, I killed the other healers in Azeroth. You just took too long getting here.

Bringing his blade down fast, the demon tore the street in two. Burning houses splintered, cobbles flew and dropped like hail. The impact sounded like thunder, almost deafening Fayan's ears. Reacting quickly, she rolled aside, and was swept into the canal as the murderous beast roared in frustration. Stepping aggressively into the water, the depths of the canal failed to wet his knees, yet his evil aura caused the sewage and drains to bubble as dead fish rose to the surface. Gasping for breath, Fayan threw herself onto a pier, turned around, and unleashed her holy smite. Well aimed, well cast, the blast bounced off of Kazzak's soul as though it were spit upon the hide of a kodo. The lord of pain roared again, and his sword descended once more...

Matthias - A survivor... wounded, but within healing capabilities.
Kinx - Nugggh....
Matthias - Do you require me to carry you out, good sir?
Kinx - My mother said to never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Matthias - She included you to make that bad joke?
Kinx - I wish I were dead...

Breaking into a full sprint, Fayan leapt over the smashed bridge into Old Town, skidded through the entrance way, and through the dilapidated houses. Behind her Kazzak was laughing, sword scratching the clouds as he waved it high before decapitating a row of houses in a mighty swipe. Half of Old Town's red roofing rained down, forcing the priestess to summon a shield of holy invulnerability. Out of Old town and back north toward the dwarven district. Most of the town had been evacuated, and the burning keep showed little sign of resistance to the overlord of destruction. Roaring a taunt at Fayan, Kazzak regurgitated a crest of screaming, obsidian skulls, their chattering mouths snapping behind her as they swarmed thirstily for the kill.

Kazzak - Why do you run, greatest healer in Azeroth?
Fayan - I'm a pacifist!!!
Kazzak - Liar!

Around another corner, into cutthroat alley. The skulls followed, many imploding into walls as Fayan charged toward the dead-end. Into a home to some family, dead or fled, it mattered not; she kicked the door behind her. Half the skulls shattered, destroyed by the sturdy door, their capabilities clearly measured in the destruction of organic matter. The remainder soon learned, and the window to the front room imploded.

Fayan - Oh not again!!
Kazzak - Haha!

Up the stairs, no time to think. Through the bedroom, dive out the window, land on the cobbles, along the street, back out the alley, and hide in the cathedral basement... the plan backfired the moment she hit the window, tumbling nastily, bouncing off of the hard cobblestones, breaking an arm, and causing blood to spout from the forehead. The barrage of ethereal skulls circled like vultures, chatting to themselves, and laughed hysterically with their master before depressing into the ether. Stepping into the dwarven sector like some would step into a pair of shoes, Kazzak squatted down and grasped the still priestess between fore-finger and thumb.

Kazzak - Was that it? What a disappointment.
Fayan - *opening one eye, then extending an arm* HOLY SMITE!

The blast hit his eye at point blank range, and Fayan fell nimbly from his grasp. One arm dead, an eye useless and bathed with blood she broke into a sprint again, ripping the undercoat of her devout skirt as her feet kicked dust up into the air. Into the cathedral district, passing a fellow on his way, Fayan caught the glimpse of his demonic minions... a warlock! No time, that witch would have to be burned later. Seconds had passed when Kazzak recovered, storming to the cathedral in hot pursuit.

Kazzak - Hi, Jark.
Jark - Hi, Kazzak.
Kazzak - Can't talk, chief. Got to dash.
Jark - I know how it is. See you later.

Almost frozen into place, Fayan's legs kept moving as her heart stopped beating... the cathedral was a charnel house. The dead congested the aisles, the walls awash with blood. Children, men, women, elves, dwarves, gnomes, humans... no discrimination had been made as to what materials would be used for the desecration of the holy chamber. Disgusted, defeated, depressed, Fayan miserably limped to the back of the hall and unlocked the trapdoor leading to the basement. Inside were over thirty folk, complete with weapons and electronic instruments, hiding unashamedly from the unthinkable genocide outside.

Fayan - Who are you?

Immediately the group gathered instruments and thrashed a violent mix of musical notes from their impressive orchestra...

Well I'm glad you asked
from your space above
about our guild of peace and love
we are the ones of truth and disaster
seventy percent rockers, and some of us rasters
we are....

*then the drums and guitar truly kicked in*

team ice, team ice!
half the sugar, twice the spice
team ice, team ice!
roar like lions, fight like mice

we are here to save you
but if things look bad
you are doomed
got no chance of satisfaction
refunds are out of actionnnnnnnn

team ice, team ice!
quick to run, no sacrifice
team ice, team ice!
shaven heads cause we have lice

team ice, team ice!
we took up arms now we pay the price
team ice, team ice!
we're so broke we fight for rice

I ain't afraid to die!!!!!!!
I got nothing to live for in this life!!!!!!
so look out world, here comes
TEAM ICE!

Fayan shut the door and made for the stairway leading into the belfry. It wasn't logical, but more limitation as she had nowhere else to run. Kazzak had arrived outside, and screamed for the priestess to reveal herself. He turned to the cathedral to hear its bell toll, the priestess pulling the rope stared defiantly into his inhuman eyes.

Robes ruined, religion destroyed, mount lost, hands sore, arm twisted, blood coming from her head, she followed the central line of the angled roof directly toward the destructive force waiting in Cathedral square. A fire exploded within her soul, and the true essence of The Light shone through. For such evil to exist, a balance would be found, and an avatar of righteousness would be born. Grinning maniacally, she looked with fearless eyes through her fringe at the unsuspecting demon, and whispered the gentlist of words...

Fayan - Holy Smite.

The tiles of the cathedral roof flew up from an invisible force that pushed them like a ceramic tsunami into the monster's face. Black, evil skulls arose to combat them, and for a second the two colossal forces collided as the shockwave tossed the cathedral bell like a ragdoll, casting dozens of harrowing dongs across the landscape. Unbeknowst to the demon, every tile on the roof had been blessed before construction, and the ingravings of sermons could still be found on their smooth, moss covered skin. Four thousand heavy shurikens pushed by rage and sharpened by faith sliced through Kazzak's shadow magic without trouble. The result was something of a whirlwind hitting a razorblade factory, and the shrapnel tore into the overfiend as though the demon had struck himself.

Releasing a scream of incantations, litanies, and general shouting, Fayan sprinted down the exposed central beam of the cathedral roof, her staff in hand, spinning above her head. Kazzak, a bloody mess, turned to strike the woman with his blade, but the priestess was smarter than that. Bringing her staff down, she brought it into the wood, vaulting herself above the blade's devestating arc. Now feet from his face she fired a holy nova, the attack snapping her arm back into position, and blasting two teeth from the antagonist's mouth. Landing on the top of his head, Fayan drove her staff deep into his skull, and moved her fingers in the holy symbol of The Light. As if in understanding, a bolt of fire shot from the sun, the giver of all live, through the sky and into the demon's brain. It roared and fell, stunned, unaware of what was happening.

Little Timmy - No, my little kitten is dead.
Narai - A cat-astrophy.
Little Timmy - .......
Narai - She's not even trying anymore.

In truth, Fayan never killed Kazzak. No, that went to one of her greater role models. As the beast stumbled and hit the ground with a mighty thud the solid statue of Archbishop Faol, eternally preserved in stone, broke the fel lord's skin, and embedded itself within his blackest of hearts. Broken, exhausted, Fayan Etude Blancmanche the Third arose to her feet, stumbled over to the decimated adversary, and mouthed a prayer of thanks to those who watched over her. In surprise, Fayan eyed a mysterious sphere rolling from the monster's grip. A component, a component to the greatest staff of all! What a glorious day! With excited hands she gripped the orb, and then there was a bright light!!!!

Conclusion.

The nurse shone a torch in Fayan's eyes and shook her head to the assisting orderly, indicating the motionless priestess was not fully awake.

"You see? This here is why we don't give her pudding. Totally out of it right now in her own little dream world because she had sugar in her diet. Well, when she wakes up we'll throw her a bath. Come on Jeff."

The door closed and Fayan giggled, drooling slightly...

"Hehe... Benediction..."