*Sitting down comfortably, Fayan pulled her stood around the suprisingly gigantic furniture of Northshire Abbey, beckoning all those around her to move in, and listen to her sagacious offerings of priestly lore*

Well, since I didn't make it into the Flaming Ruby, I in my infinite benevolence as a priestess of The Order of Light will now share my wisdom with you on what makes me the greatest healer in all of Azeroth.

 Step One - Respect Thy Gods
"Like this guide, it is often good to begin a raid or party with a prayer, be it to The Light, or a more heretical and comical diety, like Elune, or that giant gnomish chicken that once destroyed half of Strahnbrad. I suppose to follow my own advice I should begin with a prayer right now..."

*Fayan places her palms together, and closes her eyes*

"Dear kind, gracious, heavenly Light, we ask that thee shine down on us from above with your love, protection, and generosity.
May as few of my bretheren as possible fall, lest my reputation be truly torn asunder.
Keep watch over our rear lest patrols spawn and attack our vulnerable behinds.
May the loot be great, and somewhat cloth or staff based, and may your wisdom keep aggro from me.
Let those on my ignore list say nothing crucial unto me, and cause my peril.
We say these things quite meaningfully, amen."

 Step Two - Listen, and Ye Shall Hear
"As any priest(ess) knows, a raid can be confusing at times. Orders, tactics, and looting regulations will over-lap, contradict, and sometimes be suicidal or unjust. In preperation for this we must look at the many rules of communication. Indeed as a great priestess I have been subjected to vile propaganda myself, such as "where the **** is my healing" and "Fayan, WTF are you playing at". These are all lies and cause me to lose focus, so here's a guide to surviving mid-battle comms."

(1)Say - Short Range Communication, half ic / half ooc - used only to insult raid bosses
(2)Yell - Long range, easily noticable communication. Avoid usage as everyone will ignore you, even though everyone just read what you said
(3)Whisper - The quietest, yet greatest distance of communication..... okay, that makes no sense.... good for direct commands, bad when you have to reply to your arch enemy and your love at the same time through whispers
(4)General - Good for bragging about loot such and epics a.k.a The-Purple-Pissing-Contest. Is it RP or OOC? Lets move onto less hostile conversations like abortions and the middle east....
(5)Trade - Unusable for communication, and allows people to sell green junk that nobody wants in Ironforge. Made obsolete by economics and the Auction House
(6)Local Defence - Entirely useless, as the horde are experts in hit and run tactics. Low level characters will mistake green vegitation for orcs, and send experienced lvl 60s on wild goose chases. Not to be used to relay orders
(7)Looking For Group - Used to address the assembly of a group to a certain location repeatedly for three hours (example - Gnomeregan/ST) or should a pick-up raid be forming to Molten Core, this is the raid leader's way of letting you know he will never be seen alive again. As a priest, inform his/her loved ones of their loss.
(8)Party Chat - Ignore this; you're the priest, and as the most important person in the group no one tells you what to do!
(9)Raid Chat - Too much communication going on. It's a browny red, often contradictory, and hurts the eyes to look at it.
(10)Custom Chats - You will inevitably forget to log into these, and selected audiences make ineffective means of passing large quantities of communication.

IMPORTANT NOTE - Goldshire General Chat damages your health and is bad for your baby

Things to Pay Attention to
(1)Rumours that cloth/staff/mace drops come form a certain area
(2)Compliments about your hair and complexion
(3)Warnings of a large enemy enclosing, preceeded by your name
(4)Compliments about your healing skills

Things to Ignore
(1)People who tell you what to do
(2)People who criticise your healing abilities
(3)People who dislike Holy Nova
(4)Cries for help (rely on your judgement alone)

 Step Three - Prioritise Thy Healing
"Now, as a priestess I have learned the hard way what works and what does not work. Remember though that as the keystone to the group, if you heal those in the correct order your group can survive in battle almost three times as long as with a more careless priest.

Here is my list on who to heal and when..."

Paladins - Defensive beasts that can heal themselves AND have armour... teach them a lesson in humility and spare them salvation from your holy spells. Do not forget though that as children of The Light, the paladin (who is continually making the priest obsolete) will need your prayers and support during the burial service

Warriors and Rogues - Neither have mana, nor appreciate it's usage, so save your mana for more important targets

Druids - Multi-tasking elves who can again, heal themselves, and go cat form, thus hiding in a tree. Save yourself some mana and let them take care of themselves

Warlocks - Warlocks are demon summoners and enemies of priests and priestesses alike. Not only do they violate our laws and religion, most of their spells sacrifice life for mana. So ask yourself, why should you give your mana so they can gain more? Let them battle alone, and have their demon consume their soul

Hunters - Over-populated like the animals they hunt, Hunters need their numbers culling. Most are so distant from society they have no feelings anyway, and that fire trap for 7 damage isn't going to scare Onixya is it? Allow hunters to die thus restoring the balance of nature.

Mages - The anti-thesis of the priest, mages can make their own food, water, and cause excessive amounts of damage, plus they have their own shield! Fair enough, they sound useful, but consider this - they were cloth, and you wear cloth... sooner or later a competiton on loot will emerge. Ignore their plea for help, and make it look accidental. Tis their fault for not becoming a priest/ess

Priests - Sure we could help our brethren, but if they need healing surely you do too? Again loot will come into confliction, and distrust will errupt. Also ask if they are elven priests, worshiping an illegal diety. If so, you must send them to the afterline in an indirect fashion to prove your religion is the one waiting for them

Yourself - Well I don't know about you, but I'm young and intelligent and good looking, and wise, and calm, and caring, and modest. I would put every bit of focus onto myself when it comes to healing, even casting spells when I am uninjured. It makes sense to me

 Step Four - Baptism of Fire
"In a fight things will get painful, scary, and confusing. Regardless, the enemy deserves those things so no holding back. However nice that may be though, sometimes you will be on the receiving end of the stick. Take these pointers wisely into battle..."

(1)Retreat - A GOOD priest/ess will be upfront, making sure that they can heal the warrior or mage if they break LOS (line of sight). A SMART priest/ess will be at the back, weighing out the battle, knowing if it is the right time to run or cheer on her friends

(2)Mind Control - Do not hesitate to use mind control to enter thoughts into the opposition's mind. This enables you to convince them you are a spy, or subtle supporter to their cause. When you're the last one standing they will be sure to accept you into their ranks until nightfall, when you sneak away

(3)Hymns - In battle, nothing rouses your brethren like a song or two from the holy book. If possible, get your mage on the organ too. Pre-record this into a music box and leave it playing as you escape, and your group will be unable to punish your wise self preservation until the tune runs out, by which time you should have safely fled the instance intact

(4)Don't Panic - In case of direct contact, do not panic. Hit fade, and the enemy will mistake you for a ghost, believing they have already killed you. It is also important to remain still, as most enemies' vision is based on movement. Let them kill the hyperactive sommersaulting elven warrior, whilst you convince the enemy that a statue of a priest/ess was there all along

"In short.... attempt to switch sides, and if that fails either hide, sneak off, or initial a full retreat (the rest of the group should follow as the priest/ess is often wisest and knows what's best)"

 Step Five - Converting the Masses
"In battle, the enemy is not your only enemy, indeed we as priest/ess's must look at our allies as foes too. Chances are they're not celibate, teetotal, polite, religious, charitable, or skilled in understanding the ways of the healer. They may misjudge your actions which would indeed seem alien to them, so let us prepare a few conversations to bridge this gap..."
(1) "Sorry, I was lagged" is a handy one for if you have an out of body experience during combat, and walk off to make yourself a tea or coffee whilst the warrior decideds to attack something without question. Lag is a term used by monks to express visiting another plain whilst remaining paralysed in your body
(2) "The mage/warlock/rambo can't handle his aggro" now this is more often the truest excuse. A mage or warlock without a shield running directly into the middle of a gathering of Stratholme zombies, annoying them all whilst the warrior stares in dismay. By the time you unleash a heal he's strawberry jam. Ah well, no big loss and more cloth for you
(3) "I was being attacked" stand over an already killed body, raise your shield, hit fade, then make yourself a cup of tea. Claim the dead body is your kill and that spell interuptions were making healing an impossibility. Watch then as the warrior apologises and offers you three goats as a symbol of his desire to restore your faith in him. Goats can sometimes be replaced with cows or kittens
(4) "I was looking for survivors" run into the nearest side alley and say hello alot, whilst emoting [/e shifts through rubble]. At the cost of some of your party people will say you're a thoughtful, heroic, true priest/ess. Be warned, shifting through rubble can be dirty

"Once again remember that you're the priest/ess, and your intellect is unquestionable. Upon hearing your smart comebacks the group will think themselves stupid, and trust you all the more, even if someone has been lost in the battle"

 Step Six - Colours of a Hero
"The priest/ess, most especially on an RP server, must look presentable, even at the cost of combat efficency and healing capabilities. Believe me, we're there primarily to give moral support, and remind the rest what they're fighting for, not with..."

(1)Humans - Wear white, be it runecloth robes, white linen, or the true faith vestment robes. I once lead an assault on Scholomance in a wedding dress to maintain the colour code. Mistaking me for the corpse bride I was invited into their ranks and now work part time for the scourge. Always beneficial to have a part time job

(2)Dwarves - Wear as much as possible, high heels, and a facial hood. This should not only increase your fear factor, but also make it easier for other races to accept you into their ranks. Eye holes are not a necessity

(3)Night Elves - Less is more, is the night elf motto, and wearing less is good too. Not only does this attract more men/women thus making it easier for we human clergyfolk to remain celibate, it also advertises their flesh to carnivores. As the elf and the cannibal fight it out we must remind ourselves, whoever loses, we win

(4)Gnomes - Yet to take up religion, the gnome is more interested in wearing childrens clothing. Body suits, baby warmers, and those hoods with rabbit ears all help to lure a gnome's enemies into false security, and good for them too!

 Step Seven - Aftermath
"Aftermath comes geography... hehe, a little joke from my days at the abbey."
*sees a bushweed roll through the hall*

"Nevermind. Okay, your battle is won, and the enemy is defeated. Some of your comrades will be down for the count. Now before you waste precious mana ressurecting them, perform the following actions..."

(1)Confirm they are dead, normally with a mace
(2)Loot their bodies for identification (next of kin, etc) and church donations
(3)Consider if they were happy alive before ressing them
(4)Consult with friends on if he is a known bandit/ninja/spammer
(5)Check the price of meat at your local necromancer
(6-A)Bribe the survivors of the mission, letting them know your reputation alone must prove you were not responsible for their deaths
(6-B)If survivors are weak, ill, or very few in number... accuse them of witchcraft and burn them. Being an organised religion, we are not required to provide evidence of witchcraft, heresy, or where our funding goes toward
(7)Hide/Destroy the bodies in unmarked graves

 Concluding Words
"Well my friends, I hope my wisdom has helped you all to specialise in the profession that is a priesthood. I know my training is actual Scarlet Order based, but I think it still rings true to the rest of the worl..."
*recieves a piece of paper and begins reading it*

"Dear Sister Fayan Etude Blancmanche the Third, The Order of Light has decided to ship you off for correction behaviour modification at our secret base in Arathi. You are hearby under arrest and sentenced to six months minimum detainment as a criminally insane priestess, due to work stress, and a case of extreme kleptomania, signed... every group I ever worked with!!!"

*Is thrown into a straight jacket and dragged off kicking and screaming into the night*

"I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M THE GREATEST HEALER IN AZEROTH! HELP MEEEEE!"